The art of staying married when you're with each other 24x7

How the side comedy is going so far...

Before we left, a good friend, laughingly commented that it’s going to prove interesting and entertaining to have the pair of us being in each other’s company 24x7 for months on end. We are so opposite from each other. He wasn’t the only one.

When we stopped to think of it, we realised it was a big change. Yes, we’re together, but we didn’t really spend a lot of time together – either we were working, or at weekends we’d generally be doing our own thing somewhere on our property. Our hobbies, which we do together are all things that require individualism, rather than communicating with each other.

So this being in each other’s company and communication is indeed a trip all of its own. In 2012 we built our home in Gladstone. Building a house together is an exercise in stamina and communication. We learned that Phil builds from the ground up, incremental blocks, detail. I build from the big picture downwards, refining. It took us a couple of months and a very robust discussion late one night, to realise we were saying the same things but from different angles. Him Mars, me Venus.

Here we are 12 years later, and those lessons are getting a refresher as they’re hauled into a new level of communication requirement. There’s nothing quite like logistics related to travel to test communication skills – listening, comprehension, questioning, politeness, pressure. And thanks to the rough start we’ve had – add sickness into the mix too.

We’re quick learners though. We have a pact that we will communicate ad nauseum with each other when it comes to navigation. One of us used to arrive in an airport, bus station, train station, wherever, and just burst out the door of the vehicle and start walking. Not anymore. We stop, catchup with each other, look around and figure out where we’re actually going, together, and make a plan about who will do what, e.g., get a luggage trolley, grab the bags off the baggage carousel.

One of us is naturally a technology luddite. Give that person a paper map over Google maps thanks. Not anymore. Now Google maps in incognito mode has proven indestructible, navigation is doable.

Crossing 10 lanes of traffic – bring it on. (Cairo was our indoctrination into that game) We communicate so we don’t have one person walking out and the left behind, or worse, one in the middle of the road having a moment of indecision while the other charges ahead.

Having a one room space to “live” in has taken some adjusting. As the early riser, I have loved having 5am onward as “my” time. I used to go down the end room and have a blissful uninterrupted couple of hours to myself every day. The days I did that always went better. I was ready for everyone and everything else once I’d had some time to gather my thoughts, read, stretch, be alone.

Unlike me, Phil wakes up hungry every morning and breakfast is almost the first thing on his mind. For him it’s action from the minute he’s awake. He’s fallen into the habit of writing his diary at night, whereas I prefer to write in the mornings. How to balance that while adding in sightseeing before a sweltering day gets underway from about 6am is still a work in progress.

The other thing is learning to converse. We’ve been in just each other’s company every day except for a few days in Melbourne with Chris, Wayne and Emma, and five days in Hanoi with Nicky. What to talk about other than logistics, the here and now, the next bit of our journey. The art of conversation. We’re both rubbish at it. By the time we get back to NZ we’ll be totally telepathic with each other and unable to stop talking at or to every person we meet! This is something we are conscious of and will be figuring out how to change for the better. You’ve all had fair warning ;0